last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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