You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
