I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
