I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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