the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
