Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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