Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize