Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
