you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
