So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize