i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I want to make a zoo with you.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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