Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
