Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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