didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
