well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize