he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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