Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
