that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
