no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
