I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
