Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
