I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
