I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
handjob tips. give me some.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize