Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i out mim tonsoeep
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