You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
