stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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