She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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