My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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