Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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