yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
