seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize