Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
