you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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