I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
