May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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