the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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