hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
try to milk me bitch
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
