We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
