when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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