who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize