pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
