it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I bet he comes in French.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
