I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
