i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
