i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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