here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
