His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
