She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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