Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
