So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
