so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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