Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think my vagina is haunted
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
