why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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