You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
