it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
