life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
