I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
