when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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