VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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