you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
they're like a gay fantastic four
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
