party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
