I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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