I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Randomize
