My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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