you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I AM VODKA MAN
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
