Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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