Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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