So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
