we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
