You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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