If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
