Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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