it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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