Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
