You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
