This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
