where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
