I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
