I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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