xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
