2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
