see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize