Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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