happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
