ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
