I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
