So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize