Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
