just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
